Visiting Kaleb

I was also not that very spiritual person before. Now I have to belive in existance of spirituality to somehow survive the lost.
Similar signs happened to me too. First, couple of days after delivering Eszter I woke up in the middle of the night (my husband would say that I was on the border of awake and sleeping but I know that I was awake) and a child called me loudly - she said: "Mom, come!" (I have a 4-year old daughter too, but it wasn't her). I knew it was Eszter. I replied that I couldn't go, it was not my time.
On the funeral the weather was windy and clowdy. After the grave was done and all the girdles and flowers were put on, I placed a small angel in the middle of a girdle. In this moment a cloud'd just went away from the sun and the little angle was lighted. It sounds corny, I know, but at that moment I felt something.
The lactation had stopped after 2,5 months, and it was yesterday when I realized it. Yesterday I dreamed with Eszter. She was alive, and she cried and I could not feed her. (We have a quote in Hungary, that the babies who die before birth, cry in the dreams of her mothers and the mothers could not feed them.)
Yes, maybe I like to look for signs. I sometimes think on conversations that I would have with Eszter. Where is she, how she feels, is she happy... I know it's only me and myself, who're chatting, and I know it would sound crazy for those, who did not loose their baby, but you at least might understand this.