I'm new to this entire website, and this experience as I've just lost my daughter recently in February. I do not feel that my daughter's death was unfair but I do feel like I need to find meaning out of all this suffering. That doesn't mean that my daughter 'died for a reason' but I do think that her life and death have forced me to look at my life differently, to learn (for better or worse) a new way of existing.
There was a quote that I thought of often while I was pregnant and more so now that my daughter has died, “A child is a sacred guest in the house, to be loved and respected – never possessed, since he belongs to God. How wonderful, how sane, how beautifully difficult, and therefore true. The joy of responsibility for the first time in my life.” I feel like I need to come to grips with this lack of possession and permanency of all relationships - not just my relationship with my child.
I feel that it's a knife edge between despair and a transformation, possibly, hopefully to more wisdom....Right now the possibility that there may be some meaning and purpose for me to understand in this experience is helping me to get up each day, go to work, keep loving my family and friends and keep hopeful for the future. It doesn't mean that her death can be weighed or measured against the 'wisdom' gained through self reflection. It simply means that I feel there is 'work' to be done on myself in order to live in this world without her. That I feel I need to develop a strength of character proportionate to the suffering in order to survive.