Thank you for this post. Holding in mind at the same time both the absolute insignificance and crazy miraculous significance of life has always been my personal religion, as far as I have one. I think most of the time, even now, it brings me peace.
I know others feel differently. When we were driving home from the hospital after delivering our daughter the song "Do You Realize" by the Flaming Lips came on. (I think the lyrics hint at what we're talking about, at least in my interpretation.) At that moment in the depths of our grief I found it a comforting reminder, uplifting even, that our Bea was a part of this universe, she lived and died, just like everyone else. My husband turned it off. It just made him feel more depressed.
I can't articulate my thoughts on this very well, especially when it comes to my son, whose short life was fill with suffering and pain. But it's something I think about a lot. And I don't feel sorry for myself. (at least not at this particular moment.) I'm just really, really angry at everything that has happened to my family.