Nat,
I honestly have been struggling with this same concept... my wife's best friend and her husband had a healthy (yet ugly) baby boy 6 weeks or so before Kaleb was born via c-section. Why does their baby get to live and mine not so much? I honestly don't know and it's been driving me crazy.
As far as slight "comfort" may go, after some research (and listening to my wife's greater research), she told me about a concept in Judaism called the Hall of Souls (or something very similar, it's hard to get me to focus on one name because it's so close to the Eragon series of book's Vault of Souls). Sidetracks aside, basically it is a theory that everyone exists before they're born and that all people that existed HAVE to be born or conceived in the physical world at least. The purer the soul, the shorter their existence here is... with still born children and children born early and dying the purist... (Side note: I'm not Jewish and this is what I think the explanation is. If anyone IS Jewish and understands this concept better than I do, feel free to correct me in any way. I mean no offense to your culture by getting this wrong.) So, Nat, maybe the fact is that precious Grace was just plain too good for this world and my Kaleb was the same... doesn't make me happy to not have him in my arms (or Grace and any other baby in the arms of his/her parents)... but it's something to think on.
Hoping comfort finds you and wraps its arms around you on this day.
looking outside of his own religious tradition for meaning