We didn't name our first until about 6 weeks after his birth/death. We were blindsided at the 20 week ultrasound when we learned he was very sick and not going to make it, and he was born a few days later. Like most naive first-timers, we had never considered the possibility that our baby would be stillborn. We weren't sure what people did when their baby was born at 21 weeks...hold the baby? name the baby? It was all new and very frantic to get through, so we didn't initially name him. About six weeks later we realized the depth of our grief and had to give him a name. So we named him Matthew, which means Gift of God. We felt he truly was a gift that we just were not meant to keep as our own. It is also a name we would never give to a living child because it is my husband's name, my brother's name, and my husband's brother-in-law's name. We always liked the name but felt it would get way to confusing to have a child with the same name. It was a huge relief when we named him; it validated my grief and made me feel that it was ok to think of him as my baby and my child, not just a disappointing outcome.
When our second was stillborn at 26 weeks, we had a "live baby" list of names and a "dead baby" list of names. Sounds very dark when written out....but at 12 weeks we found out that she had the same illness as Matthew. We didn't know what that was until after she was born, but we knew at 12 weeks that it probably would not end the way we wanted. Her name is Gracie. Chosen because my husband always wanted a daughter named Gracie and he was afraid with all of our friends having children at the same time that someone else would choose that name and we may never have children that lived.
We now (finally, four and a half years after we conceived Matthew) have a living son, Jack. His name was on the "live baby" list. And I sometimes slip and call him Matthew....
Thinking of you and Lucia, Angie.