Dear Marianne,
Your story spoke to me... I can imagine myself sitting by the stone circle and wishing for the magic of old to help me with my desires. Many times through my little Emily's short life I prayed to the Goddess that she would let me keep her. I already had an intuitive feeling that my little one was not meant for this world. Each time we would pass another milestone I would whisper thanks and promise not to forget her kindness and the gift of the life she allowed me to keep.
After Emily was stillborn I wondered many times if I had forgotten to pay tribute to our great mother... Sometimes I still imagine this, but I know in my heart that she wasn't mine to keep and though with my prayers I was granted the short time I had... no amount of wishing would have made her live.
To me all gods, goddesses are one and the same. Turning yourself towards one does not necessarily mean turning your back on another. God has many faces for all of us so unique and diversified. Your faith and goodness rings true regardless of the form it takes.
I am sorry you forgot to pay tribute with your little Pixie and I am sorry you lost your little 12 week baby... Please be gentle with youself, after a loss like ours we wonder all sorts of things because there are all sorts of possibilities. I sometimes wonder if all the possible situations that my mind has been going through is reflective of all of the expectations and possibilities I lost with the death of my little moon child. Essentially I think we just need to remember that we did the best that we could. Please be gentle with yourself and hug your little's close.
Sending you loving kindness and healing energy,