ghost story (comment)

This morning I kneeled by my bed. One month to the day that he was born. I was waiting. I started to talk to God but all I could say was 'I am not sure if you are really there but I want to so much to believe that you are because then I would know he is with you'. I talked to Cullen, whispered to him and most of all I just prayed for the feeling of him. To know that I was in his presence. Before I got up I put my arms into a cradle hold and rocked. I cradled and rocked never feeling his weight but the weight of my arms as the blood flow settled in this position. I waited there thinking that if by any chance he could come to me in spirit he would lie in my arms and rest for a moment. Even if I can't feel him, even if it all exists only in my head.