I'll miss your posts, Janis. After my son died, a good friend wrote that he hoped God would keep my son's spirit, whose purpose on earth was apparently achieved so quickly. Simultaneously soothing to me, that this was not a meaningless death, but also frightening--what if I never found out what the purpose was, and therefore never carried it out? I did not become a better person for his death, indeed, in many ways I became *less* of a person--angrier, meaner, smaller. And so what ate me up was that I was not only not bringing meaning to my son's death, but was actively moving in the opposite direction.
What finally released the pressure (or some of it, anyway), was another friend's remark, as I told her my struggle to find the motivation to find and fulfill this unknown purpose, that perhaps his purpose was simply to love, and be loved by, us.
My son's EDD would have been last July 29th, so I will always think of you and Ferdinand on this day.
comforted by believing that God had a purpose for baby