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It was 4 years ago, and we were living in a house we were renting from my Aunt. We waited forever to set up Jade's nursery. Two of my friends made the most beautiful curtains for the room to cover the three huge windows. The curtains even had black out lining and weigh a ton. I sat in that room every day, read to her and sang songs to her as she grew in my belly. I laughed and told her all about the wonderful things that would surround her when she arrived. I told her about each person who had so thoughtfully made or bought each and every item. Now I wonder if God allowed those moments because he knew she would never actually see the room, or meet most of the people who loved her enough to create such a beautiful space.

She was late, and we ended up having an emergency C-section. She only survived a few hours and we held her as she passed from our arms to His. Shock hardly begins to describe how I felt. I had no idea what to say when the same friends that helped create the nursery offered to take it down before we returned home.

My Husband was was convinced that we needed to walk through the mourning process step by step and did not even take the car seat from the back seat of the car. He felt we needed to take the hurt a little at a time. I can still feel the amazing loss of an empty belly and an empty car seat. I could not believe that the perfect and easy pregnancy I had could end in such tragedy.

We came home to the beautiful nursery and sobbed in each others arms. We also opened his job offer for a company 500 miles away that night. We were thrilled and crushed all at once. Just a few weeks later I watched as movers packed up most of Jade's things in boxes and labeled them, "Baby's Room."

Now so many of those things are in her little sister's room. The curtains lovingly made by my friends, the stuffed animals that would have been hand-me downs are practically new, and the piggy bank rests on the same shelf. We decided that Jade's nursery would have been M's too. At first it stung to go in the "new" nursery, but our second daughter was not a replacement for her sister. It is hard at times to be in a space so similar to the original nursery, but it is also sweet to share those gifts of love with our second child.