Sincere thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice. I am feeling MUCH better today. I will definitely have to work on letting others know what I need from them. My husband has said the same thing. And we do have friends and family who have been very supportive.
Sarah your friend who had the dinner party sounds wonderful. We have received very few invitations to socialize. I'm sure people assume (rightly) that we aren't aren't up for a "party," but it still stings to feel abandoned--especially over the holidays. I decided today to host our own dinner party for my hubby's b-day next week, and two couples have already rsvp'd yes. I was SO afraid no one would want to come. I was afraid we'd become the scary dead baby people.
And Susan, I think it's interesting that people at church have been been the worst at knowing what to do. I personally am not religious, but we have several friends and family members who are deeply religous. They were very supportive when our daughter's heart defect was first diagnosed at 22 weeks, calling to see how we were doing, saying they were praying for us, sending inspirational messages, etc. But when she died, silence. Not even an acknowledgement. The contrast was jarring. And confusing. I'm trying my best to be gentle and understanding with others. I don't doubt that I would be one of the clueless if the situation were reversed. But I'm pretty sure I would know enough to at least send a sympathy card(!!)
Thank you all again. I'm so sorry that we are all here. I have been lurking since November but was too shy to introduce myself. It must be sad for those of you who have been here a while, to constantly see the "new here" posts. I hope that I will be able to help others, too.