not so much the picture of patience

So I am super Zen when it comes to people outside of our community saying stupid ass things. Let me say I'm 1 1/2 years and 4 1/2 years out so I've had practice. After the anger phase, which is important and necessary, there is another place. I'm not so good with anger so that phase was short for me. I figure- people try, they say the wrong thing, it's rarely from a malicious place, it hurts but hey worse than losing my child? Not so much. Now this doesn't mean something shouldn't be said to those who are insensitive or inappropriate... we all do what we must. I just felt most comfortable cutting people some slack and being honest when I felt it was important for them to hear. But compassion is good... I aim for that.

And then I did this dance workshop for 4 days. Super intense dance meditation workshop- about death. Long story short a woman adds to a group dance piece at the end a little 'performance' - talking about 'a baby coming, everyone waiting...' it went on for too long and then, she looks at all of us and says, are you ready?, she says, "but it was born still". 'It' she says. Out of NOwhere she decides to school everyone in the feeling of friends of someone who lost a child (which, did I say she called the baby 'it'). I screamed WHAT? in the middle of her monolouge. She stopped. I talked to her later. She said it wasn't a performance, it was a healing. ?!?!?! For those in the group who may have experienced something like this. THEN she said, in the performance- "And the baby went into the white light'. She reiterated this to me and said it was important for people to know that's where the baby went. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

How unbelievably presumptuous that she, not having this experience could think that she could heal, that she could even be a voice for us, that SHE is the one who knows/decides where our children go. It's like telling a Jew, "When you die you will be released into the arms of Jesus". Insane.

I was shaking when I talked to her. I told her that it was the OPPOSITE of a healing for me. That it was hurtful and inappropriate to turn someone else's experience into a performance. But rather than over engage with a crazy person, I left it at that and now I have so much more to say.

I'm looking for something productive to do with this anger. Afterall- WE are the voice of this community and I felt like she took that voice- she simplified and spit on my experience. But why care? She can do nothing to the memory of my boys.

Have you ever responded to such ignorance and felt like you said the right thing? everything that you wanted to say? did walking away feel better? Yuk. I feel like I can't shower enough to get her words off of me.