Tomorrow is Nina's birthday and deathday, hatching and dispatching if you will. She would have been 4. I don't feel sorry for her. I'm relieved she got spared the agony which would have been her life on earth with trisomy 13. I like to believe that, according to my "faith", she is a happy angel somewhere with wings and a whole body. I like to believe we will be re-united oneday. But my perception of faith has changed for ever. In four years I haven't decided what to make of it. Yet.
I sometimes feel sorry for myself, but most of all I feel sorry for the people around me who still miss having a little sister or granddaughter around. I produced 3 healthy, beautiful, intelligent sons - that should be enough. But its not.
concern for baby in afterlife