Author: 
Erica
ID: 
004h
Type of Post: 
comment
Keywords: 
miracles, faith
Codes (Bakker): 
Date of Post: 
8/8/2011
Date of Access: 
7/7/2012
URL of post: 
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/home/2011/8/8/the-language-of-loss.html#comment14648035

This may sound horrible, but I'm maybe especially ill-equipped to deal with more "normal" losses now. My grandmother died last year, and I found myself surrounded by relatives talking about miracles and faith and about how beautiful her death was. I had a hard time grieving for her with my family because I was a) jealous of her death - why couldn't my son have a peaceful death after a long and full life? and b) very conscious of and sensitive to the use of the word "miracle." I had to keep holding back the snarls, which meant I wasn't much help to my mom and family for a while.

I'm much better with unexpected tragedies. I hope it won't always be this way, but for now it's where I am.

Codes (Paris): 
Comments (Bakker): 

- hurt by community of faith and jealous of "normal" losses

- alienated by the word "miracle" since author feels she did not get a miracle