glasses, clouds, sea monsters

All throughout my pregnancy I heard, "Stop worrying, everything is going to be GREAT!" and "God told me everything is going to be okay with your babies!" So when my son died, I wanted to go back and strangle all those shiny happy bullcrap people who lied to me. I never felt my feelings of concern were validated ever and was made to feel ashamed for being cautious during my pregnancy as if I were "asking for it". So did I kill my son with worry? Would he be here if I had been blissfully naive and completely anxiety-free? Why doesn't society treat pregnancy as it really is - which is life or death for all parties involved (well, except the dad I suppose...). I am sick of the positivity. It makes me gag. I am fresh out from my loss still and am crying too hard most days to be reflective though. I think I am even too early out to be blogging about it, as I feel like I can't even begin to process all that has happened to me during this journey to start a family, but I guess making an attempt at writing counts for something.