Another great, thought provoking and wonderfully written post - thank you Chris.
It's something that I know I'm growing with more confidence; talking to others about my loses, but guess that is down to my own growth and understanding of where I am now and what matters to me.
At first it would be them who took the initiative to talk to me, to ask me questions about Elizabeth and I was just overwhelmed that there were people out there who could stand to talk about the death of my children and not shy away from me as if it was contagious. I know that I'd bleed them for information, "how did they survive, how does it change, will I ever feel a happiness again, what do I do now?". I learnt a lot form those wonderful people coming forward to connect with me and feel a sense of normalcy in talking so openly with them.
Now I have some time and dare I say it, healing under my belt, I'm able to embrace these people when they come out from nowhere; to talk and listen, whether they be further along than me or just starting this path. I'm not actively seeking them out, but I'm not with holding anything at all from them - sugar coating is lost to me too.
I am very conscious of the wording I use with these people, just as I was sensitive to the words others used with me - I'll not talk of a God, Angels, fate, karma or a 'plan' of any sort - I have no understanding of them and so won't ballshit them. I always use names, get them talking as much as I find I'm doing and take my queues from them. I find it a great feeling for having shared my babies with others - a warm and fuzzy glow radiates from me and I hope that they find the same with sharing their loved one.
How do I speck to someone who is raw with grief? With not many words as you did Chris; listening to them, not trying to fix things no matter how practical you may think they are and just giving caring actions; a text to say I'm thinking of them, meals left on the door step, a note, a kind gesture.