feel transformed as well. not necessarily for the better, but more real maybe. still the anger, bitterness, envy are not pretty. my heart is still hardened most of the time. i am waiting for a time when i can come into balance. where my heart will soften a bit. being on the road and in beautiful places has helped to bring back a sense of wonder and gratitude for this world. but i am still in the aftermath of the huge tragic loss of my first born. i am in a metamorphosis.
i too am not sure how to deal with the jewish holidays either. i have felt angry and god and the judaism of my heart. over the past year i've felt quite un-jewish too. i think i'll be out in nature alone- or under the covers. i'd like to open myself to something, write in my journal, yell at god....wherever i am i will be thinking of you and dave and tikva.