i continue to be jealous of those who come from a background that offers ritual. i have wished i were hindu or catholic, burmese or chicana... but i am 3/4 white protestant and 1/4 cultural jew and not practicing either religion - so i'm floating out here in the secular world. before this loss i had a lot of my own rituals for grounding and meditation and selfcare and prayer. but tjheir flimsiness was revealed pretty quickly when the sh*t went down, and i haven't gone back to them.
i wonder if i before my loss i had been connected more deeply to family, church, or cultural rituals - would i have stuck with them and found comfort there? or thrown them out the window? like the practices angie describes here, some of these rituals have such deep roots and have accumulated so much meaning, i can imagine it being hard to shake them. i wish i had those things in my life. yet i don't see myself going out and adopting them now.
jealous of religious meaning and rituals, but unable to find them; negative example of code 4; also yearning for comfort of religious community