I thought that I would have the conviction or the confidence in the Ressurection of Christ, the way that I had all the years leading up to this- but not this year. This year, my faith was shaken so much more than I ever realized. I wasn't happy on Easter. I didn't even bother going to Church. I didn't sing songs, I didn't do dinner with family. My husband and I had breakfast, and then went on a 10 mile run.
I am not fond of this year's Spring, and the coming Summer months do not inspire confidence. I have a body that is not in bathing suit readiness, with no child on my hip to explain why. Cruel. So very cruel. The sunshine and warmth does nothing somedays to lift my spirits. I am ambivalent at best.
I had an 'up' week, the first time in 5 months. I was elated to be able to recognize myself. Sadly, I"m no longer up, and sliding down that slippery slope..
I am not as patient or compassionate with myself as I probably should be. I am trying, and failing miserably (mostly), to practice the art of self-compassion. I should probably try harder.