I've come across people who have outright declared Liam's spiritual fate. Some have called him an angel, some said he was needed in heaven, others said that his existence was nothing more than a medical mishap. None of it bothers me. Well, the last one, perhaps, but only because it was used to minimize. That's beside the point.
What anyone else believes - other lostbaby parents, well-meaning friends or family, random passerby - is no reflection on me. Those encounters demonstrate one of three things: 1) the speaker’s conversational discomfort (hence, thoughtless platitudes); 2) the speaker's own personal history (hence, their own framework which they feel has been tested, and which they are therefore passionate about); or 3) the speaker’s genuine desire to try and comfort (however relevantly, or irrelevantly).
If someone stands in front of me and says with all earnestness, “Your son is with the angels in heaven now” I smile, and nod, and take that as a gesture, an attempt. It doesn’t get under my skin. It doesn’t bother me remotely. It's just one person trying to be nice in their own way. It might not resonate with me because I don’t believe the way they do – I’m not religious. (An undeclared and unmentored and completely unstudied Buddhist, maybe.) Another person foisting their world view on me in an effort to make me or them feel better might not resonate, but also, it won't offend me.
I don’t have philosophical or religious answers. I don’t have a position that needs to be prostelytized or defended. I’m perfectly content with just about any expression around loss. I’m a grief libertarian. I’ve never thought of it that way before, but yeah. I like that.
recognizing that what outsiders say about the death of a child to a parent is about the speaker, not the parent or the child or metaphysical reality