glasses, clouds, sea monsters

I think there was an insurance commercial on a few years back that describes me pretty well. If I remember correctly it shows someone driving through an intersection and they imagine a crash, then they drive by a house and imagine it on fire. I do that. When I saw the faint pink line I was certain I was going to miscarry. Mom says I had an intuition that Mary wouldn't live, but I think it's just me. Oddly, I seem to come across as very cheery to other people. Even now. And, when I think about it I guess I do feel joy more and more often than I have any right to. Bad Things have happened to me several times in my life. Not the worst things that could ever happen, well except for this latest Bad Thing, but bad enough. Maybe I learned to grab onto those happy moments when I could and let myself fully experience them no matter what? I used to think it was my faith, but the last time I talked to God I called him a bastard and demanded my baby back. I'm sure He can take it, but I'm still holding a grudge.