Heather,
My heart aches for you having to endure such a heartless comment from your friend. I am always stunned when I hear that such things are said to grieving mothers.
Of course your daughter was perfect, in every way possible. Your daughter was wanted and loved and that alone makes her perfect.
I am only 9 months out from the loss of my daughter, but I hope that I can offer you a bit of wisdom or advice. First, it is not your resposiblity to educate your friend or anyone else about your loss or how the comment made you upset. That is one thing that my therapist tells me all the time. So, don't feel bad that you couldn't say anything in the moment...you were shocked by what your friend said, and rightfully so. You are so new to this horrible grief, so be kind to yourself.
Also, your friend may think that she was being comforting to you, but in reality, her comment was really to reassure herself. By saying your daughter must not have been perfect (which again, I totally DO NOT agree with), your friend is comforting herself and reinforcing her belief that the world has order and there has to be a reason for your baby to die. Because if she admits to herself that babies die for no reason, that there is a randomness to it all, she opens herself up to the pain that there is no order. If she admits that even perfect babies can be stillborn, the world as she understands it no longer makes sense. And that is so frightening to many people. If she admits your baby was perfect, then that questions her belief that God would allow something He created as perfect to die. (Personally, I don't agree with her view of God, but that's beside the point).
I seem to be rambling a bit, but I really get riled up when I hear of the insensitive things people say to bereaved moms. I'm very lucky that I have only had a few insensitive things said to me or my husband. I think that's why I get so upset to hear about it when it happens to others.
Heather, your daughter was perfect. My daughter was perfect. All of us here at Glow had beautiful, perfect babies. Never let the comments of insensitive people make you think differently.