So, this morning I woke up to a new email from a good friend's husband (let's call him B) saying that they were at the hospital because his wife was in labor (she was due in a week). It hit me like a punch in the gut. I see this friend (let's call her A) a lot as she is also a neighbor. I knew she was pregnant and due soon. But still, hearing that they were going to get to have their baby today and he would be born safe and sound really hurt. What made it worse was the way B broke the news. Today is the 2nd anniversary of B's mother's death, and he said that God "is sending us our son as a message that my mother misses us and she still lives in our hearts". That made me think to myself, what the hell? If B really believes that God is sending him his son, then does he also think that God took my daughter away from me? Of course not, he would probably think that it was just bad luck. But still, it hurts that he said that.
What really sucks is that I can't even reach out to them and offer congratulations. I feel like such a monster, since I can't be happy for them right now. All I am is jealous and angry and sad because they get to have their baby, safe and sound, added to their family (they have a daughter too, who's 4) while my daughter, my firstborn, is dead. They get to send out all the cute newborn pictures and get congratulations from friends and family. I got condolences when friends and family heard of her death. They will get people asking all about their new addition as he grows. I barely even get people asking how I'm doing anymore, and it hasn't even been 6 months since my baby died.
And now I'm worried about this friendship. I don't know if/when I'll even feel ok enough to see the new baby. And I don't want to offend them, but right now I just can't even imagine that I would be ok seeing them or the baby anytime soon.