The Meaning of a Life (comment)

From moment one after my daughter's death... and for every painful moment since... I have never once believed that I, or my daughter, or my husband, are so special that some omnipotent being one day decided: "Steph needs a life lesson in grief and suffering. I think I shall take away her daughter, then give her a son that will struggle for his life. Through this, she will gain enlightenment."

No. I believe that we are all dust in the wind. Death and illness are just as much a part of human existence as life and health. Just opposite sides of the same coin.

Life is random. So much of it comes down to luck. All of us... all of our children... will die. It is just a question of when. Those people who manage to get through life with healthy children who live into their golden years? Well, they are lucky.

Have I been forced to make the best of the lot that life has handed me? That is a different question. While I have no belief that there was the remotest purpose to any of this, I do believe that the best any of us can do is to find whatever positives we can out of the grief and loss. This has nothing to do with finding a purpose. It is merely about survival.

I've lost count of how many times I've been given the lines: "Everything happens for a reason." "God only gives you what you can handle." "Someday you will find that there is a purpose to all of this."

Each and every one of those lines translates into the same thing.

"Thank god it is you and not me."

Oh, and Jeanette, to me the absolute worse line anyone can give is: "I will hug my little one tighter."

How anyone could think that the idea of "the-thought-of-your-dead, -cold-baby-makes-me -appreciate-my-living,-breathing-child-more" is comforting is beyond me.