Almost eight months ago my baby girl was born prematurely due to (what I now refer to as) my stupid incompetent cervix. She lived for fifteen minutes in my arms before silently slipping into the next world. I have been coping and managing very well up until now. Now I am 20 weeks pregnant with my second child, and as 22 weeks and 4 days approaches, I descend into irrational hysteria with very little provocation. I weep more or as much as I did in the days and weeks after her death. I can't believe that this or anyone else's pregnancy will result in the birth of a baby who lives and gets to go home. I am a faithful person, and I try to put my trust in God, but I feel so desperately that he let me down when my baby died. I have been scouring the web over the last week, secretly searching for... something. My husband thinks it is unhealthy for me to be looking at blog and websites about other people's dead babies. But I think that I am looking for others who know my story. Those I can just sit with, with my hands wrapped around a warm mug, and we don't have to say anything, because we just KNOW. Thank you for being a place where I can be a babylost mama.
ID:
027b
Type of Post:
discussion
Keywords:
faithful, God
Codes (Bakker):
Date of Post:
5/23/2008
Date of Access:
6/28/2012
URL of post:
http://www.glowinthewoods.com/discussion/post/413881#post435004
Codes (Paris):