I hear ya! Evan was supposed to be our magical child as well, pre-destined by over a year when someone reading my husband's tarot cards told him "your first child will be a son, he will make you proud" Followed by a spring Equinox egg painting wish ritual during which we painted the wish of a baby on our eggs, then went home and made Evan. When they told he had passed away at 42 weeks, I was shocked, but he is magic, he cant die yet. I felt lied to and abandoned by my God's. I hated them for a long time, now 9 months later and with a little help from the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People, I have managed to find a glimmer of peace again. Peace that maybe Evan's death wasen't a punishment from the God's after all.
However-I need more friends who can just accept me as broken, injured, wounded and forever changed. I loved him, he was my world for 9 months and then in the blink of an eye, he was gone for reasons no one can explain to me. Of course I am broken, just let me be.