what a gift you have for putting into words some of my feelings - some of the things we ALL feel. Betrayal. How right you are. Betrayed by the genes I passed on to my son. Him betrayed by his own multiplying cells. (He died quickly and unexpectedly of a brain tumor when he was eight weeks old.) In my own blog, I wrote not long ago that I miss the naivete of believing that healthy pregnancies and healthy babies just HAPPEN for me. It's similar to what you describe so many others believing...that if you let nature take over, if you're aware of and listen to your body, if you do it all "right" that the outcome will be good. Well, as we all know, that simply isn't true.
As for God or a higher power...I am coming to grips with all of it. Surprisingly, losing our son is slowly pushing me back toward a spirituality that I abadoned long ago. I MUST believe that there is more than death...that somehow, somewhere, my son's beautiful little spirit lives on.
Anyway...thank you for sharing...and thank you all for this space that we can come and be understood and understand others.
return to long-ago abandoned faith and comfort in afterlife