Oh how I love this site. How lucky I am to have found it! I feel so very much at home.
I have also "tried it all" to fall pregnant after our loss, in the midst of friends and family falling pregnant at the drop of a hat. "I have to fall pregnant before that baby is born, before the next baby is born, and the next, and then I will be able to deal with it better". And it does not happen like that. The upside of which is that I learn I can survive the birth of all the silver platter babies, not pregnant. Something I never considered.
Like some of the posters here, I lost my fertility with my firstborn. How crass that sounds! But talk about a kick in the guts from the universe. We went from being happy, healthy, expectant parents at 20 weeks to experiencing the worst news about our childs prognosis, his birth, single hour of life, and death. Heavy bleeding was diagnosed as a venous malformation in my uterus, we were warned not to attempt pregnancy for fear of my health and life. Luckily that passed but was followed by months of TTC with no success, multiple tests resulting in a diagnosis of abnormal sperm and unfortunately irreversible blocked tubes caused by an undiagnosed infection after the birth of my son. Facing IVF, another blow - the ovarian reserve of a 41 year old (I am 29)!. Whatever I did in previous lives must have made the Gods pretty angry with me.
So we find ourselves in the middle of our first cycle of IVF wondering how did this happen, excited at the prospect of finally being able to start our family moe than 2 years after deciding to do just that, in full dread and awe at the prospect that this is only the beginning.
We are also the dreaded friends. I have learnt to pick the signs of a pregnant girlfriend. They avoid me for a couple of months and the blurt it out at a function where I can't escape to have a good cry. I often feel like a leper.
I think the best approach is get healthy - eat properly and exercise as this will help your general wellbeing, and when you collapse at the end of the month you don't fall so far as your mind and body are better equipped to cope. And to have other things in life to focus on. I started Yoga, and stuck with sport which has helped my sanity no end. I wish I could take my own advice though - I have been an emotional wreck for the better part of 2 years.
Much love, and baby dust to all the posters herexx