The Inescapability of Karma--Maybe (comment)

Karma. An eye for an eye. I've been thinking about that, too. That because my body was the vessel, it must be somehow my fault, even though I almost died delivering the 2nd of my lost twins, 3 weeks apart, it's may fault they died, because I was complaining about the cost of a triple stroller, the need for a triple stroller, scared of taking care of 3 children under the age of 3 basically by myself since Hubs works 70 hrs a week, etc, etc... So not only did I labor and deliver and lose my baby girls twice, but almost lost my life in the process as well, I felt that must be some payback for the less than perfect person I am. Plus, a mother should sacrifice herself for her child(ren), not he other way around. They were not supposed to go first.
And nobody does guilt like the Catholics!
Thank you for including the part about your child fulfilling her karma. I needed another perspective to consider. The preist from my chruch offered an ear anytime I needed one, but I really didn't want to hear all the "they are in a better place", "God and his mysterious ways", "pray to them, not for them" cliches. 'cause frankly, I wanted to pucnh God in the face for letting this happen, and in the beginning I actually felt and said I hated him. Ive actually been thinking about learning some about Buddhism, partially because I feel let down by my religious upbringing, my own sense of faith, and thoughts of what God is, does, and means. There is actually a monastary nearby that I may check out during public hours.
I have seen a counselor, but for the same reasons as Eliza, and it's basically only given me vaildations for my feelings, rather than tools to deal with the anger, pain, and loss of faith. It's been kind of a let-down, but maybe I had too high expectations, and I'm thinking I need to look more within myself for my releif and answers than find them in someone/thing else. I the meantime, I'm looking for someone else before my meds run out, I can't sleep without them. This person suggested I start yoga to help with anxiety since "some of those ppl can even reduce their heartrate" !!!??? I am hoping to start out with some guided meditation, but my dad reccommends the book, "The Relaxation Response", which I haven't found yet.