the downside of the internet

The Internet has been a god-send to me in terms of helping me feel less alone, as well as providing me with emotional support. I have found that there is also a big downside to the Internet, however, at least for me. Each and every tragic story I've read has taught me about all of the things that can go wrong, all of the reasons a baby can be lost (and all of the times no reason can be found). It has shed a light on all the ways a baby can be sick. It has spelled out in stark terms the fact that, just because a person experienced one loss, does not make them immune from another. This knowledge creates a lot of anxiety in me and, when I consider the prospect of TTC, all of these bad things swirl through my head. Before, I knew theoretically that bad things can happen. Now I know hundreds of specific ways that things can go wrong. It keeps making think of the old adage: Ignorance is bliss.

Do you find that all that you've read on the Internet has caused anxiety for you when you consider TTC (on top of the anxiety that you already have, having experienced a loss)? Or are you able to put this information in its proper place?

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As always, so wise and eloquent, Eliza. You hit the nail right on the head. It all comes down to the fact that there is little we can control in life. I am an admitted control freak. I've spent my life with white knuckles, hoping that sheer will and a desire to control will prevent bad things from happening. See where that got me....

I am not a religious person per se, but have been exploring spirituality more since my loss. I've been drawn to Buddhism in particular. One of the fundamental tenets is detachment. Detaching from the notion that we can control. Allowing ourselves to accept what life brings us.

Thank you for helping me to see this is a different way. You've really given me something to think about.

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So much of what this comes down to "letting go and letting god," opening ourselves up to the love even when the risk of great pain exists. Eliza, I think we can all relate to feeling as if we missed out on loving our babies because the need to protect our hearts was so great. Maybe part of the lesson in all of this is to open a space for more love to enter in the next time around. Maybe another part is knowing that, regardless of the outcome, we are strong enough to handle what life has in store. I mean, all of us have made it this far. Sure, we're sad as anyone can imagine. But we're stronger. I, for one, know that I have discovered that I am stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined.