I was reprimanded once, while working at a Bible Camp, for leading a prayer with "Dear God." A visiting pastor worried that without saying "Lord God" I could have been praying to anyone. It struck me as silly at the time, but that pastor and I really did believe in different gods. His was male, judging, controlling. Mine wasn't, and I'm very grateful for that now. I've been struggling with my faith since losing Teddy, and if I had believed in the god of that pastor, I think I would have turned away altogether. As it is I am in a place where I am rediscovering what my faith is, and my relationship with God is still uneasy and not, on my part, very trusting.
Writing helps me connect with the deeper parts of me. The act of stringing words together sometimes feels to me like meditation, and it helps keep me in touch with who I am and who I am becoming. The world around me, too - the trees, sky, and stars, the sound of the wind, sunlight and rain - those things make me feel connected, not just to them but to something larger. I don't know what the connection means yet, but sometimes, when I let it, it feels like healing.