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Hi all,i knw a lot of ladies here have found hope and much comfort in their beliefs bt im having serious issues with god.its bn 6 months since i gave birth to my sleeping baby boy,the hardest thing i ever had to do.during those very dark days,i prayed very hard for god to help but ive never felt more alone than in those days,i grew up a christian and dedicatrd myself to god and his purpose but i cant seem to get over the fact that he cant be alivr, no loving father willingly lets his child go throug wht a i went through just because its "his purpose",how sick is that?surely this god thing h

Thank you Christine. I hate it that anyone has to go through this. Its a cruel twist of life, and it makes me question the futility of it all. God, the Universe etc. Why why why?
If God was so loving and caring - why would he do this to me?
There are so many pregnant drug users & alcoholics that dont lose their babies - or the ones that are abused...
I think its a damn liberty. And thats me being polite cos i'm so so angry now :-(

i remember for a few weeks after she died, every time the phone rang, i seriously thought it was our midwife calling to tell us this was all a mistake. that's how much my mind was unable to really accept that she was gone. really gone. my midwife never called.

It has been 6 years since our son was born-still. 6 years since my life was turned upside down and inside out. I did seek traditional 'talk' therapy after his death. But it didn't help much except to insure I'd get out of bed everyday and continue being a productive member of society.

Thank you for the beautiful words. My faith has been indefinitely shaken by my baby's death, but I find hope in your perspective. Peace to you.

I have always been an Atheist. I had some brief introductions to religion, but on the whole I was raised on science and facts.  That is how I lived my life.

Do I really want to be a part of the Dead Babies Club? Can't I just do this myself, keep my feelings and perspective away from anyone or anything that I feel like I have to defend against?

I could be in the park right now. Sun, shining down. Me, dreaming up. Blue sky, above. Green grass, below. Is not this the purest connection to God? A clear head, feeling no differentiation between me and God and no distance from Source?

Sounds great.

Who are you kidding?

I hear You. It actually sounds boring.

I hear ya! Evan was supposed to be our magical child as well, pre-destined by over a year when someone reading my husband's tarot cards told him "your first child will be a son, he will make you proud" Followed by a spring Equinox egg painting wish ritual during which we painted the wish of a baby on our eggs, then went home and made Evan. When they told he had passed away at 42 weeks, I was shocked, but he is magic, he cant die yet. I felt lied to and abandoned by my God's.

Dakota's entire being was made up of faith and magic.

I first visioned this child as a young girl, showing up randomly in my dreams and meditation. She gave her father and I the same night time dream one night. We were both floored to discover we'd had the exact same dream, down to the details.

We went up to Paradise at Mount Rainier, and there in the snow, in all capital letters: DAKOTA. We drove up to Neah Bay, stopping at an overlook along the way, and there on a boulder, in all capital letters, spray-painted in blue: DAKOTA.

I am envious of your faith. I lost mine two years ago when I buried my son. Or maybe I never really had it to begin with.