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How does your heart feel today? How has that feeling in your heart changed over these past nine years?

Eve - so good to hear the hope in your voice and post. I would agree with Eliza that A Grief Observed is powerful stuff. I've always found C.S. Lewis' works to be great food for thought. My support group last week (meets monthly sponsored by the hospital where we had Elizabeth - I had the sort of wonderful experience you just had with nurses and chaplains and paranatal bereavement folks) talked a lot about faith and growing in faith and being angry with God, asking why yet not getting an answer.

It is so good to have a catch up of how everyone is doing. Those of you TTC - you are all on my heart. Praying for a Glow In The Woods BABY BOOM!!!!!

So, in the last couple of months, I have had to face something that I had not yet faced. Baby showers! Yes, it has been five years since I lost my last baby and I have managed to escape all baby showers. I have lost three babies. Ones I miscarried at one month and two at five. I did go to one after I lost my first and second one, but by that time I was pregnant with my third one so it was not bad because I was looking forward to mine. In the last three months, I have been invited to three.

what a gift you have for putting into words some of my feelings - some of the things we ALL feel. Betrayal. How right you are. Betrayed by the genes I passed on to my son. Him betrayed by his own multiplying cells. (He died quickly and unexpectedly of a brain tumor when he was eight weeks old.) In my own blog, I wrote not long ago that I miss the naivete of believing that healthy pregnancies and healthy babies just HAPPEN for me.

Branwen, my heart goes out to you and your husband.
Thank you for your comforting words & guidance. Especially about God. I am working on letting God into my life a whole lot more. Allowing Gods love in, is helping me feel wrapped up in a cozy blanket of comfort and peace.
Thank you for walking this path with me. Your words mean more than I can put into words.

I am sitting on my front porch with a cup of coffee, watching the sun set on the brick building in front of me. The sun behind me, and the world is a beautiful place, filled with red and yellow and gold. My chair is comfortable, my coffee is good. The dogs are sniffling around the front yard. I can hear the sounds of children, in those last few moments before the call to come in for the night will go around the neighbourhood.

Thank you for this post. There are two kinds of faith - untested and tested. Yours has been tested as has mine. It isn't to say that the tested faith is necessarily stronger, but you do at least know it's strength. Mine is more flakey around the edges since my daughter Abigail died and more so still since I was told we will not be able to have more children but...

annie,
the phrase 'cautiously optimistic' comes to mind. but so does 'complete denial'.

i think its different for everyone going thru this.
some women have very pragmatic views upon having a miscarriage. and some are incredibly attached to a pregnancy from the first cell splitting.

It is the first time I post here...
It has been a little more than a year since I lost my son Alejandro. He was stillborn at 40 weeks. The cause was never found out.