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Well, I definitely agree with everyone else, telling me to relax at this point is pretty much pointless and rude. I think people think it makes it better that our son had a horrible birth defect, like ohhhh, it was for the best and what are the chances of that happening again? Well, stupid person, I guess it's not that high but it has completely opened our eyes to the fact that not all babies come home and that's a little stressful. So f*** off.

"collateral damage" is an apt and brilliant description.
We've lost friends, faith, trust... so many things.
And there is something about July babies that just... makes me sick to the stomach, and I feel bad for the babies and their parents and feel like I am a sick person myself.

Thanks Tash! Your post meant a lot to me. I too have horrid in-laws who have also cause wounds too deep to heal during this time of grief. Thank you for your honest words and affirmation. Isn't it crazy how after we have experienced something like this we can just see through all the BS and "Fake". What do I do with this new knowledge about people? Amazing how God reveals things to us and what He reveals... I just wish I knew what to do with it all. Pray is my friend at the moment. I am constantly reminded after everything I have endured that at least I can "see the light".

I am loosing it today. I am so numb. I never really woke up this morning; my mind is in such a fog. What a crummy day! What really happened… nothing, nothing except I lost my son; my son who looked like my dad and me. Who had my dads’ chin and mouth and ears. Why did this happen? I found a white crocheted blanket today. It made me mad. Why didn’t I think of this when I was in the hospital? I could have wrapped Leo in this blanket. UGH! I am so pissed at myself today. Anger fills me quickly these days… worse than normal. And what the fuck is with my so-called friend Samantha?

Leigh, I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy, and for your miscarriages. I can understand why you would feel numb at this point in time. I do think that you matter. Finding a good grief counselor has really helped me, is that something that you would consider?

I'm curious, did you go online at all to search for similar stories and/or find support after Pudding's death?

Reading these beautiful posts, I am inspired to write here for the first time befor starting my own blog very soon. I have not so much experienced the hurt from the words of others as the opposite, in the lack of words and isolating silences. It is 6 months today that I lost my first child, Jasmine, at full term. Amongst the mirad of experieces and emotions recognised in this space, the silence of others has so far been the most difficult to bear. Whilst these posts have been in response to 'the speaking of', I identify with the resultant struggles from 'the speaking not!'.

So I am super Zen when it comes to people outside of our community saying stupid ass things. Let me say I'm 1 1/2 years and 4 1/2 years out so I've had practice. After the anger phase, which is important and necessary, there is another place. I'm not so good with anger so that phase was short for me. I figure- people try, they say the wrong thing, it's rarely from a malicious place, it hurts but hey worse than losing my child? Not so much. Now this doesn't mean something shouldn't be said to those who are insensitive or inappropriate... we all do what we must.

Just off the top of my head -

My father, asking me to email a photograph "because I may never have another grandchild".

My father again, 7 weeks after the death of my daughter and immediately after I had been diagnosed with cervical cancer and told I'd need a radical hysterectomy "Cheer up, you can't let these things get you down, look at me, I've lost my job and my girlfriend is crazy".