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dear Mary's mom: You are so brave to have expressed this fear; your confession. For I think of such things all the time but never had the courage to write it down until I saw your post. But what I feel is that the fact that you wrote it down shows your immeasurable love for your baby girl.

I don't think you need to ask God's forgiveness for grief. That's silly. After I lost Calypso my faith was stronger.

The day before Calypso died I sat at her bedside and cried tears and prayed. I told God that if she was hurting he needed to take her home. Because I didn't want her to hurt anymore. 24 hours later she was gone and I was crushed but at the same time I KNEW we'd be together someday.

I get it, I do. I feel the same way. I happy for the people who find comfort in God but I am not one of them . I feel like there is no way that God can be loving and then take our babies from us. Babies we loved, babies we wanted and then he lets other babies suffer living with people who don't love them, who don;t want them. What is the "purpose" of that. I am not afraid to say that if there is a God I am angry with him, that I can never forgive him for what he has done to me, to my husband, to my family. How can you take my sweet boy away.

Hi all,i knw a lot of ladies here have found hope and much comfort in their beliefs bt im having serious issues with god.its bn 6 months since i gave birth to my sleeping baby boy,the hardest thing i ever had to do.during those very dark days,i prayed very hard for god to help but ive never felt more alone than in those days,i grew up a christian and dedicatrd myself to god and his purpose but i cant seem to get over the fact that he cant be alivr, no loving father willingly lets his child go throug wht a i went through just because its "his purpose",how sick is that?surely this god thing h

Thank you Christine. I hate it that anyone has to go through this. Its a cruel twist of life, and it makes me question the futility of it all. God, the Universe etc. Why why why?
If God was so loving and caring - why would he do this to me?
There are so many pregnant drug users & alcoholics that dont lose their babies - or the ones that are abused...
I think its a damn liberty. And thats me being polite cos i'm so so angry now :-(

i remember for a few weeks after she died, every time the phone rang, i seriously thought it was our midwife calling to tell us this was all a mistake. that's how much my mind was unable to really accept that she was gone. really gone. my midwife never called.

I really lucked out with therapy -- I called a grief counsellor within a week of Maddy's death, and kept going for almost two years (still trip back if I have some IL to pound out). She was patient, intelligent, supportive without being sticky (especially regarding parenting Bella through my grief), and a wonderful sounding board to everything. I think mostly I had to process shock for about a year, and then I could get into philosophy. We had a few ups/downs -- for a while it was extremely draining and I would often feel worse afterwards.

It has been 6 years since our son was born-still. 6 years since my life was turned upside down and inside out. I did seek traditional 'talk' therapy after his death. But it didn't help much except to insure I'd get out of bed everyday and continue being a productive member of society.