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Anon, I struggle with this too. bah ask forgiveness. I think like others said that's just silly. I think it's perfectly okay to be pissed, angry and question beliefs.

Most of the time I find little to no support from God. I'm still in so much pain. I'm still struggling with loss and infertility. I continue to pray and sincerly try not to pray just selfishly. There are so many who are hurting. I'm angry that I don't feel guided by God and that my prayers haven't been answered.

My son was born with catastrophic brain damage. In the first 12 to 24 hours, we were faced with constant updates and changing information about whether he would live, and if he did live, what his life might look like. When it became very clear that any "life" he had would be entirely in a hospital, with a feeding tube, never to open his eyes, hear my voice, respond to any of us, obviously, my heart and my dreams for life with him were shattered.

I agree that being a statistic, an "anomaly" (the unlucky lottery winners) sucks ass. I hate it that I can no longer count on the fact that the universe will take care of me because I already have the proof that it hasnt.

I can imagine reading such cold things about pregnancy and loss can hurt your heart, it hurts mine. I hope that as a nurse you can be that person we all needed and wanted so badly, I know you will be.

Another difficult question, the whole religion afterlife debacle. But yes, I do imagine them together, I do imagine that somehow all of us here are linked in incredibly important ways. I have only seen your words, and you have only seen mine, but there are volumes here, so many incredible levels of grief and longing and wonderment at what has happened to us. I dont believe in a benevolent God anymore, I dont know what I believe frankly, but I do think that Henry watches me, some part of him that was un-destroyable remains with me.

I sit here in my warm, cozy cabin, my brand new son asleep on my chest. My heart is full with the many blessings I have received in my life. My new son, C, is healthy and beautiful,

Almost eight months ago my baby girl was born prematurely due to (what I now refer to as) my stupid incompetent cervix. She lived for fifteen minutes in my arms before silently slipping into the next world. I have been coping and managing very well up until now. Now I am 20 weeks pregnant with my second child, and as 22 weeks and 4 days approaches, I descend into irrational hysteria with very little provocation. I weep more or as much as I did in the days and weeks after her death.

oh Jill s,im so sorry for what you're going through,it breaks my heart to know that after everything you've been through you also have to go through this,it seems so unfair and these are the things that pulls us further and further away from this unjust god *if there is such a thing*, i will however just for a few minutes pray for your son,i'm giving it my last short bc you deserve to have your son in your arms. You and Steph deserve to have your babies in your arms. You are in my thoughts and prayer (i'l pray jst this 1 time).
Keep strong and know that you are in my thoughts.

hey Christy,
I totally understand what you mean,i also dont know if my relationship with God will ever be the same. Sure,i wasnt going to church as much as i used to,i was concentrating too much on my unborn son maybe idolising him a bit but can God be so jealous of an unborn child that he'd take him away?

I hear you. It's just never ending. When the hell is the angel of death, god or whatever it is leading us on this path of destruction, finally going to decide that enough is enough, that your heart, soul and mind have shattered into enough pieces, that all of us have lost our babies and are already broken beyond repair. What more are we meant to do or give an to what end. Hang in there Ryder Lees Momma, thinking of you and Ryder Lee. Let us know how you are doing.

I hate god , myself , fate , my body or whatever it was that stole my sons life. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you. Why am I here crying and pleading for the safe return of my son, why am I not in hospital right now giving birth like I should be. What do you expect me to do with my life, freddies nursery, his little hat, his bear suit and tiny little boots. Did I not try my best, did I not fight and beg you enough for mercy, what did u want in exchange for my son? whatever it was u know I would have u given you so why did u take him! I hate you.