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Yep, I've had my son referred to as an "it" straight to my face. Actually not too long ago. Pretty ugly thing to say. I corrected her and took it as an opportunity to tell the woman about George's life and death. Then I shrugged it off. This particular person is incredibly insensitive and for her it was just normal behavior so I was able to ignore it pretty well.

Sorry you had to be audience to that. Perhaps her "spirituality" was clouding her sensibility. I actually often find that the insensitive things people say almost always tend to be clouded in pseudo-spirituality.

I hardly ever post here these days but reading this made me swell up with anger. What a presumptuous ass this person is. Ugh. I have found that in the last two years since my son died it is the "godly" and "righteous" who have said the dumbest, meanest, stupidest shit to me. It is so easy to sit in judgment of someone when not living in their situation. You are doing the best you can and your children are not somehow suffering because you are grieving the loss of their sibling. Shame on this person.

I realize that this is not the kind of response you were looking for with the prompts you left at the end but I just need to say something, I don't know if this is the right place to do it so I'm sorry if I am violating the point of all this....

UGH, Mandy, I am so glad you posted this. I don't even want to leave my house, go on Facebook, or spend time with anyone because I am afraid I wil hear those happy words spoken yet again. 2 cousins, 3 "close" friends, 2 high school friends... I feel like it's a personal insult, as though they planned it to be a slap in my face: HAHA, your baby died, but WE can have a baby and YOU CAN'T!! Which of course, isn't true. We're all in our 20s and 30s- of course people are getting pregnant.

Eve,
My daughter's name was Jenna.
I love that you asked.
I think about you and Abby and WIll a lot.
I just wanted to add that I hide from church too, sometimes, and I was hoping to convince you not to feel bad about it. It's good to protect yourself as much as possible from fake converstations or superficial talk. Church is a land mine for that.
I am sorry it is so hard for you and I care.
I hope for you,
Diana

This has happened to me. My sister in law had a son 6 months after my daughter died. I was just honest and told them I couldn't be around babies because it was too painful. That this was universal, any baby harms me not just them, and that I would let them know when I was feeling more capable. For me, around 4 months when a baby has head control, it gets easier.

We were told something similar and mentioned it to the minister performing our son's funeral. To begin the service, she announced, "God doesn't want babies to die. God is the first to mourn when a child dies...."

It was such a powerful way to start the service and to this breaking heart, it was so much easier to hear something along the lines of God wanting my baby to make it just as much as I did. That we both had been on the sidelines, cheering my baby along.

I was told two things, one from a Christian and one from a Buddhist, both helped and I hope they help you.

Yesterday a friend came over to comfort me. She respectfully waited a month since my daughter's death to give me space, she said.

Then she continued to explain that God only makes perfect, so she explained in her words that my daughter must not have been perfect and He knew it. That is why he took her. I WISH I could have done or said something beyond standing there in shock and tears.

Hi all,i knw a lot of ladies here have found hope and much comfort in their beliefs bt im having serious issues with god.its bn 6 months since i gave birth to my sleeping baby boy,the hardest thing i ever had to do.during those very dark days,i prayed very hard for god to help but ive never felt more alone than in those days,i grew up a christian and dedicatrd myself to god and his purpose but i cant seem to get over the fact that he cant be alivr, no loving father willingly lets his child go throug wht a i went through just because its "his purpose",how sick is that?surely this god thing h