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Thanks Tash! Your post meant a lot to me. I too have horrid in-laws who have also cause wounds too deep to heal during this time of grief. Thank you for your honest words and affirmation. Isn't it crazy how after we have experienced something like this we can just see through all the BS and "Fake". What do I do with this new knowledge about people? Amazing how God reveals things to us and what He reveals... I just wish I knew what to do with it all. Pray is my friend at the moment. I am constantly reminded after everything I have endured that at least I can "see the light".

Leigh, I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy, and for your miscarriages. I can understand why you would feel numb at this point in time. I do think that you matter. Finding a good grief counselor has really helped me, is that something that you would consider?

I'm curious, did you go online at all to search for similar stories and/or find support after Pudding's death?

Reading these beautiful posts, I am inspired to write here for the first time befor starting my own blog very soon. I have not so much experienced the hurt from the words of others as the opposite, in the lack of words and isolating silences. It is 6 months today that I lost my first child, Jasmine, at full term. Amongst the mirad of experieces and emotions recognised in this space, the silence of others has so far been the most difficult to bear. Whilst these posts have been in response to 'the speaking of', I identify with the resultant struggles from 'the speaking not!'.

So I am super Zen when it comes to people outside of our community saying stupid ass things. Let me say I'm 1 1/2 years and 4 1/2 years out so I've had practice. After the anger phase, which is important and necessary, there is another place. I'm not so good with anger so that phase was short for me. I figure- people try, they say the wrong thing, it's rarely from a malicious place, it hurts but hey worse than losing my child? Not so much. Now this doesn't mean something shouldn't be said to those who are insensitive or inappropriate... we all do what we must.

Just off the top of my head -

My father, asking me to email a photograph "because I may never have another grandchild".

My father again, 7 weeks after the death of my daughter and immediately after I had been diagnosed with cervical cancer and told I'd need a radical hysterectomy "Cheer up, you can't let these things get you down, look at me, I've lost my job and my girlfriend is crazy".

I know for us we did have the hospital chaplin come into our room and say a prayer over our son. We do not do the whole baptize thing but it felt right at that moment to have those words spoken and I am glad that we made that choice.

I just realized this morning I probably gave my entire church the impression that I've had an abortion.

I tend to sort of ramble and stutter when I get nervous.

What happened is that I've been asking for years what the church teaches about children that die in the womb. All I ever got was some lay sister shoving a piece of canon law at me about how they can't be baptized if they're already dead. I asked again, because I have been asking for years. I just wanted a straight answer.

A few other things to add:

Support the people who are the front lines of grief, providing support to the bereaved. This is particularly applicable for those who are not in a good position to support the grieving parents, i.e. a hugely pregnant sister-in-law is probably not the most welcome guest in times like these. Not her fault, but it is what it is. She can, however, water the plants and collect the mail for her mother, who is on the front lines comforting and caring for the family members in crisis.