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From moment one after my daughter's death... and for every painful moment since... I have never once believed that I, or my daughter, or my husband, are so special that some omnipotent being one day decided: "Steph needs a life lesson in grief and suffering. I think I shall take away her daughter, then give her a son that will struggle for his life. Through this, she will gain enlightenment."

So, this morning I woke up to a new email from a good friend's husband (let's call him B) saying that they were at the hospital because his wife was in labor (she was due in a week). It hit me like a punch in the gut. I see this friend (let's call her A) a lot as she is also a neighbor. I knew she was pregnant and due soon. But still, hearing that they were going to get to have their baby today and he would be born safe and sound really hurt.

Heather,

My heart aches for you having to endure such a heartless comment from your friend. I am always stunned when I hear that such things are said to grieving mothers.

Of course your daughter was perfect, in every way possible. Your daughter was wanted and loved and that alone makes her perfect.

I approached my preacher about how isolated I was feeling after losing Charlotte. He said people just don't know what to say and they don't want to upset me by bringing it up. I told him I want to talk about her. It is a way to keep her memory alive. I said the exact same thing, I will cry no matter if they bring it up or not.

I feel the same way. People just ond't know how to relate. Or they downplay it to something they can manage. When it comes to church people, they just don't get it. I've really struggled with my faith since losing Charlotte. Nobody can explain why she's gone.
*subsequent pregnancy mentioned*

I just found out that my best friend's husband has melanoma. I knew that he'd had a mole with melanoma and they'd removed it, a large chunk of tissue surrounding it and a lymph node. What I found out minutes ago was that the lymph node has cancer in it. I am so weary of sickness and death. I deal with it every day at work, granted they're "only" animals but still. And now this. I just feel like I can't get a break. Of course this isn't about me at all, this is about him and her and their 3 kids. Crap. I need to be there for them somehow even though they live 3 hours + away.

I so needed to read this thread. I used to be so secure in my faith. In fact, I was taking steps to become a minister in my denomination when I became pregnant with Mary. My faith is now in tatters. I want it back but I just feel so angry and hateful instead. Recently my aunt and the husband of a close friend both beat the odds with terrible medical issues. When their friends replied on facebook things like "see our prayers worked!" it was all I could do not to reply, why don't we ask my daughter how well those prayers worked for her?

The unfortunate truth is exactly what everyone else here wrote, you will continue to get those thoughtless, careless and well meaning but seriously insensitive comments from all directions, Christian and non-Christian alike. Just because you believe that the Lord is walking through the valley with you doesn't mean that the pain isn't there, and that you still need to grieve.

I'm feeling like the progress I've made over teh last 6 months is slowly unraveling in the face of my various life situations. Such as : my sister is due to have her 1st child, a girl, in less than 2 weeks. My daughter was delivered stillborn a little over 6 months ago. My mother told me she had to 'think about' carrying a picture of my daughter in her wallet, and that her picture would be displayed in her bedroom (heaven forbid the living room!).

O wish I could tell people I know in RL who are 'thinking of me' (but who haven't called, sent a card, or anything else), that thinking of me provides me no comfort whatsoever. At least PRAY for me or Abby, and if you're not the praying sort, then call me or send me a quick e-mail or a short note. Thinking of me and nothing else feels cowardly, selfish and lazy.
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