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I'm so sorry you thought of us when your friend's newborn died this week.  I'm sorry for your friends and their lost child most of all, but I'm sad for you, and for us, too, that we are now experts at this.  But fear not, you contacted the right people.  We can help you help them.

Amanda, you are correct. People say just about the stupidest things to hurt a babylost parent's feeling. One of my cousin had a baby and it is struggling as well, but still alive. Almost everyday, she posts about how God is good and it's because she still has her baby. By definition does that make God bad because we don't have ours? Or how she knows that God exists because of her miracle baby... God doesn't exist because yours and mine are dead? What stupid sentiments to prove that He exists or not.

I don't have any great insight on this subject but I just wanted to let you know that this post really struck a chord with me. As a longtime believer in randomness above all it's nice to know other folks see things similarly.

Recently, reviewing my blog stats I came across a link back to a christian infertility forum, and a discussion about me and my blog. The general consensus seemed to be pity for me and my lack of faith, and more specifically the women were concerned that my not "knowing Jesus" meant that my grief was "true", and if only I could "know Jesus", "recognise the signs" he was sending me I would be comforted.

We baked cupcakes here last night. It was Monkey's half birthday, and I promised her last year, after spontaneously doing one for JD, that we would start doing half birthdays as a matter of policy. Of course, we then equally spontaneously skipped mine, but who's counting. It was a lovely affair, the half-birthday, and it made my daughter happy way out of proportion to the effort required. But I am not so much talking about her half-birthday as the fact that it was sandwiched, not unexpectedly, between two other days.

Sincere thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice. I am feeling MUCH better today. I will definitely have to work on letting others know what I need from them. My husband has said the same thing. And we do have friends and family who have been very supportive.

I am so thankful to everyone here on Glow. I've lurked on boards for heart babies but I can't relate to the relentless optimism and "god has a plan" attitude, which I get in real life too. One of the nurse supervisors, trying to comfort me, said "don't be scared, he will be ok." wtf?! I snapped back at her "you don't know that, you can't say that"--really, what a riduculous thing for her to say. How was she ever made a supervisor? I'm so sick of hearing it will all be ok when things just keep getting worse and worse.

Pregnancy and living child mentioned)

Steph, I'm with Julie. The post in question would be perfectly appropriate for you to claim as your own. Perhaps you can turn your hurt into an opprotunity to teach others how you want to be treated - as the mother you are.